I - dentity

(after Adrian Mitchell)

Welcome to Teesside,
bad old Teesside.
Polluted Teesside,
grey, gloomy Teesside.
Northern England Teesside,
smelly, cloudy Teesside
injected with petrol Teesside,
supplied with drugs and alcohol Teesside
lots of Chavs Teesside.
A19, rush-hour traffic Teesside.
Crime and vandalism Teesside,
scruffy Teesside.
But it's the way you see Teesside.

Welcome to Teesside,
good old Teesside.
Green, grassy Teesside,
natural Teesside.
The way we like it Teesside,
beautifuly lush green plants Teesside.
Love and friendship Teesside,
no poverty Teesside,
my home Teesside.
Love-your-neighbour Teesside,
no badness, all innocence Teesside.
No drugs, no bingeing, no violence Teesside;
Summer sunshine, rainbow and cool breeze Teesside
happy and loving, caring and loving, warm and loving,
good old Teesside.

After a hundred years or more
the iron produced, the people it saw,
many secrets of the mine walls
are screamed out as they fall,
for the last shift, miners hear a crack
memories of old, come flooding back,
ending an EXPLOSIVE era...

As the sound echoes, for the last time,
and workers leave the iron-ore mine,
valves are turned, it starts to flood,
from a working place, to water and mud.
The miners, so emotional, clock out
and go back to a family, to tell them about
ending an EXPLOSIVE era.

When Cleveland was born
bold adventurers dug deep
to find the treasures
that Eston Hills keep.

Many people came,
came to mine
and when they came,
a new town was born.

Their efforts and skills
made us famous;
made our town,
Middlesbrough;

And their pathway through stone
and time,
will help us remember,
our town,
Middlesbrough.

Kind, cunning,
craves the fame of others
instead of earning his own.
Lazy, loud and lame,
Under the roof of the house

Standard trouble caused by him
messing up our sanctuary.
I can see danger,
in just making tea.

Mocking, shocking
never stopping.
That’s the trouble,
Under the roof of the house.

These are our people.
They move through the streets
with their heads held high.
They move with the sturdiness of trains
Their voices can sound like a hammer, an anvil,
or like a joyful child.
The police hit down with an iron fist,
but the deceit still undermines us.

Some people have hearts black as coal,
while others have hearts good and pure;
light enough to float along the Tees.
If our team has a match,
we unite under one roof;
Come on your Boro.

This town has many dreams,
ones that are broken,
a few still in tact.

Welcome to Teesside
where the sun is hotter than the Mediterranean,
where there are over eighty-one tribes
breathing the cleanest air,
where you can leave your house-door open
without being robbed,
where the streets are friendlier than KFC,
where the dogs will not attack your children,
where children talk politely,
where grass is greener than green,
where the happy, jolly Queen is our best athlete,
where the bugs say hello,
where there are no tramps kidnapping your children,
where all the poop is scooped,
where our cheese has simple names,
where the skyscrapers tower over you.
Where I was born.

The fire engine speeds down the hill,
the sound of emergency.
Each veteran risking their life,
for other people\’s stupidity.

Flames blaze high,
give off a burning light.
They get out the boa constrictor hose,
soak the deadly substance.

The flames get smaller,
much less mighty.
Three men are lost in the flames;
heroes who died, with pride.

As I walk through the toxic wasteland,
through the roots of the urban street,
the air is almost unbreathable.
I’m wary as I walk past the chavs,
the way they gaze into my eyes
with their stone cold vision.
I’m anxious to get past,
they’re holding deadly weapons.
I’m standing right next to them
and in a deep, croaky voice, one says,
let’s stab him.
I run at the speed of an aeroplane.
I can sense them,
as if I have a chav sense tingling.
I trip over litter on the cold, damp floor,
the last thing I see is a shopping trolley,
speeding into my face;
it goes twenty feet up into the air.

But I still love my home,
enjoy the thrill of the chase.

I the wife
miss my husband so.
Will he return? I never know.

I the wife
half a crown a day
horses’ and husband’s eyesight pay

I the wife
don’t like the mine
or the depths he has to climb.

I the wife
need the money
to feed a family takes every penny.

I the wife
just hate this life;
of my husband, and I the wife.